Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
