Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
