Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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