so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
