dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
