I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
