i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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