god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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