Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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