They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
