I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
