You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
