your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
