true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this hospital has no fireball
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
