perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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