**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
