I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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