you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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