just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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