when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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