she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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