I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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