You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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