I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
...so i touched it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
