The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
