There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
