I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
