My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
