if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize