I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Randomize
