Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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