i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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