He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.