I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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