R you on birth control?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone