i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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