cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
