Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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