i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
