arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
