New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
