she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
