I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
