I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
