Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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