Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
