would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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