woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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