i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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