Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
