If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
