if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
