I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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