I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
