This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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