guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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