I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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