Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
