hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
