you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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