bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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