He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
