I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
time to smoke my breakfast
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
