I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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